our fictional finest
Not all of the best bands tour or even put out records. Some of them don’t even exist. As it’s Friday, take some time out from reality and have a look at a selection of fiction’s finest musicians.
The Good
Dr Teeth and the Electric Mayhem - The Muppet Show
The best-non human rock band in the world – the only difficulty is picking your favourite member – the gold-canined Doctor or slinky flower child Janis?
The Crescendolls - Interstella 555
Supremely talented aliens – they play a great show even when kidnapped and brainwashed by evil music moguls. And don’t they sound awfully like Daft Punk?
The Stains - Ladies and Gentlemen The Fabulous Stains
Taking great pride in not putting out and fronted by Diane Lane, we have The Stains. With immense attitude, a great look and some proper snarky-spiky punk, this all-girl three-piece are an inspiration. I wish this band actually existed -ideally I’d have liked to be a member. Even their new wave MTV makeover is great - although it’s supposed to be a sad symptom of selling out.
The Commitments - The Commitments
Dublin’s finest soul band. Prepared to play anywhere, from church fetes to packed clubs with a mysterious older man on trumpet who many or may not have played with Wilson Picket. Sadly The Commitments imploded before they got their shot at the big time.
The Bad
The New Breed - St Elmo’s Fire
I think this really is the bottom of the pile - Rob Lowe as the overly-sweaty sax player in possibly the worst fictional band of all time. The music is the worst kind of pompous 80s soft rock. Then there’s everything Demi Moore as Jules says and does - from the “boffing your boss” conversation to draping herself all over the stage and snogging Lowe. We shouldn’t forget the hideous gay stereotypes (”he’s my decorator!”) either. But it’s kind of hard to think about anything at all with that idiotic saxophone in the background.
Special Mention
Autobahn - The Big Lebowski
You never get to see Autobahn, the group of German nihilists from The Big Lebowski, play any music. Baths with marmosets and de-toeing girlfriends, yes, but never any music. Nonetheless I have high hopes for their techno-Krautrock blend.
Over to you. Any more suggestions?
I agree that the Commitments were great… After seeing the movie, my friend and I walked around imitating Irish brogues. After a few days, we couldn’t shake ‘em! But I do believe that the Commitments actually put out a couple of albums, and even toured, so are they still fictional? Oh, and as for one of the worst fictional bands, my vote goes to Milli Vanilli!
Hmm, I couldn’t stand The Commitments actually (band or film) but to each his own.
Less controversially, I think “Driveshaft”, the band fronted (in flashback) by “Lost” character Charlie, if it was real, would probably be the worst musical act to have ever emerged from Manchester. And that’s saying a lot.
Worse than Northside Angus?
my favorite Electric Mayhem member is Animal . . . no contest.
I agree with Adamm…Animal WAS Electric Mayhem.
Was Spinal Tap too obvious a choice to mention? Greatest Fictional Band Of All Time.
Or how about the Wayouts?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6l5SU6BRVLw
Or their futuristic counterpart, Jet Screamer?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQXvfSJ2XOM&feature=related
Hedwig and the Angry Inch?
Citizen Dick from Singles is the only fictional band I can think of that I would actually go see in concert.
How about Buckaroo Banzai and the Hong Kong Cavaliers?
Best fictional album: Chinese Democracy
Major cheers to Jon for the Buckaroo Banzai reference!
How about Billy & the Boingers from the Bloom County comic strip? IIRC, there was a contest for best Boingers song and a few were picked and included on a flexidisc with one of the Bloom County books. I recall a friend recorded and submitted one.
Opus on bass!
My vote is for Spinal Top. Then again, I don’t know many fictional bands.
Hotblack Desiato was the infamous lead singer of the band that played at the Restaurant at the End Of The Universe (Douglas Adams). I can’t remember the name of his band but I do remember that he was dead, for tax reasons.
Hotblack Desiato sang for Disaster Area.
Eric you’re my hero, I was trying to think of one and I totally forgot about Billy and the Boingers (one of my favorite albums growing up!!!!)
“You Stink, but I love you.”
oops now it’s stuck in my head. . . oh well
Must second Buckaroo Banzai and the Stains. But, Ladies and Gentlemen The Fabulous Stains also has the Looters. A band made up of “..Paul Cook & Steve Jones of the Sex Pistols and Paul Simonen of The Clash.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxeYTZ6i-fk&feature=related
PS.. It’s coming out on DVD!
1 to Disaster Area. They were the loudest band in the universe, with a sound system measured in megatons, and the best place to listen to their shows was from a concrete bunker several miles away. They would fly a stunt ship into the local solar system’s sun as a big pyrotechnic finale to their sets (bit of an early Pink Floyd reference there.)
The American Medical Association appeared in the “Illuminatus!” trilogy. A sinister, emotionless bunch of Bavarians (based on Kraftwerk and probably Nico) they were secretly 43rd degree Freemasons and master Illuminati, planning to use a free rock festival to generate enough magickal energy to raise a slumbering Old One from the bottom of a lake and bring about the end of the world. If only more bands were that ambitious.
Oh! And I can’t leave out my three favorite comical-book bands:
- Sex Bob-Omb from the “Scott Pilgrim” series. They are admittedly a talentless generic indie band, but I’d love to see them play anyway, just to see Scott Pilgrim and Kim Pine. (Plus, like every other band in that comic, their name is a great video-game reference.)
- And then there were their arch-rivals Crash And The Boys, who had an eight-year-old drummer with ADHD and played half-second-long songs like “We Hate You, Please Die”.
- What was the name of the band in Jaime Hernandez’s “Locas” series in “Love And Rockets”? The one Maggie and Hopey’s friend played guitar in? Another band that probably sounded awful (”their drummer can’t even keep time, because he’s trying to be some guy named Neil Peart”) but I’d love to go to that club and make googly-eyes at Maggie.
This may be silly but I always liked Eddie and the Cruisers. Maybe just because I was young and Eddie was so dreamy…
http://nz.youtube.com/watch?v=J9uP8qqgm-c&feature=related
And uh….
oh man I’m just going to hide under a rock after admitting this one.
Jem! and the Holograms….
http://nz.youtube.com/watch?v=F5iCAS8gvJI&feature=related
Along with all these great suggestions, I have to be obvious and say the Cantina band from Star Wars (Figrin D’an and the Modal Nodes).
Also, I would like to throw in a bit of trivia about Jem! and Holograms that some may find interesting. Jem was voiced by this sort-of popular indie musician. Seriously, it even says so in her wikipedia entry.
Hotblack Desiato takes his name from an estate agent on Upper Street in Islington, London - I always thought that they had taken the name from Douglas Adams, but then I read a interview with him and he’d named the character after the agencey. (Very odd name for a house-selling business though.)
I almost included Jem and The Holograms, or their rival band The Misfits - but I couldn’t find a clip of a decent song and decided that mayb my memory was mis-serving me.
So glad The Fabulous Stains is coming out on DVD -I love that film so much.
Hotblack Desiato… hahaha… I want to read Hitchhikers again.
Douglas you were genius.
Josie & The Pussycats. End of.
…..The Ruttles….story.