backwoods fairy godmother

Possibly, if I were ever given three wishes, one of them would be to have Dolly Parton installed as my fairy godmother.* It’s easy to imagine; you are sad, alone, nothing to do except backing up your hard drive. You can’t go to the ball because it’s the weekend before payday and cabs after midnight cost a fortune if you live south of the river. Then Dolly rocks up in a towering ice cream sundae of a wig, possibly with a wand, definitely with a bottle of wine and suddenly everything’s going to be okay again.
Unusually for a big-breasted blonde, Dolly appeals more to women than to men. ‘Backwoods Barbie’ the title of her latest album, may locate her firmly in the rural Tennessee of her childhood, but if your man done you wrong it feels just the same in Nashville or Newport. In the lyrics on her albums, in her film roles from ‘9-5’ to ‘Steel Magnolias,’ you can always tell Dolly all about it, she’ll do your hair and tell you to stick your chin up. ‘Better Get To Livin,’ the first track on ‘Backwoods…’ talks about Dolly’s role as a sage, a mother confessor, a fairy godmother to the world’s women. Although she accepts she’s “not the Dali Lama” she’s still got girlfriends coming to her house to cry on her shoulder. Like most of Dolly’s best, ‘Better Get To Livin’ is a rallying shout, inspiration to the “overweight and underpaid.”
We all know Dolly’s gutsy, but it’s still a bit of a shock to hear her swear in ‘Shinola,’ happy to be telling a no-good guy where to get off. Nonetheless you cheer with her. And now we know she swears, it’s easier to imagine doing a slightly drunk duet with her, standing on the sofa, belting out her cover ‘Tracks of My Tears.’ Essentially, her entore recorded output positions her as the perfect best friend. She’ll always be on your side and, whatever it is that’s upsetting you, she’s been there and come out the other side stronger and blonder.
Someone give this woman magic powers. The world would be a better place if a few more modern-day Cinderella’s got the full Dolly experience. Until then, stick with the albums.

*The author’s use of possibly denotes that this wish has not yet been made and should not count as one of said three wishes in the event of contact with a genie, djin, djinia, magic wishing ape or other supernatural being or object.