dean + britta
28Jan08
This piece definitely will not make you like Dean Wareham, but I guess he gets some credit for being brutally honest. It’s an excerpt from his new memoir Black Postcards dealing with how and why he left his wife and infant son for then-Luna bandmate Britta Phillips. Worth a read.
Scumbag.
Dang! He left his wife and baby son for Britta? I’ve got to read about that drama. ;o)
For Daniel Esq —
It’s easy to judge someone on issues you may not have ever had to deal with, and I’m not talking just about the cheating or divorce. His work, which is having to travel a lot, is not easy at all. I don’t know Dean personally, but i do know his reputation as a person & musician, it’s pretty squeaky clean. He’s not some addict out there making snap decisions. I also have have friends who gone through pretty much this same thing, again, not easy for anyone to leave their wife & child, regardless of the reason.
It’s easy to say you would have stayed in the marriage, but I think more people would rather stay in something bad than to take a long hard look at themselves and make those tough decisions at the risk of losing everything. So which is tougher? Staying or leaving?
I thought this piece was honest and cuts out all the excess BS. It’s naked. And it hurts. And I’ve been there (sans a kid) on the road, in a fight with my now ex-wife, who asked me why I was calling home. That hurt too. So lighten up a bit Daniel, Esq. At least Dean can admit some of the mistakes he’s made, in print for the world to see no less. Can you? I know I certainly would have trouble doing that.
I wrote a semi-long response defending my dismissive initial reaction, Bob. But then I erased it, and I’ll substitute this in its place:
“Fair points, Bob. I am sometimes too judgmental. I am also not perfect. And I can see where someone might give in to temptation. From the article, Wareham’s wife appears to be the much more sympathetic figure, (n.1) but maybe there’s more I don’t — and couldn’t — know. In any event, I shouldn’t leap to judgment, even if Wareham clearly invites his readers to do so.
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(n.1) Wareham doesn’t say she cheated on him, or that they had long-term difficulties that finally caused him to stray, or that she had humiliated or belittled him over the years, and he seems to say that the pressures that led him to cheat were brought on by the responsibilities that come from having a baby (which, in many ways, lays blame on precisely the wrong person, no matter how much Wareham would say he isn’t trying to blame anyone but himself).”
Daniel, Esq -
Well as you point out, Wareham clearly does invite his readers to judge him. So he shold expect some negativity. I just wanted to say take a step back and look at the story for what it is, which is a pretty honest assessment of how he directly contributed and ultimately caused the end of his marriage & family. I’m not saying the guy is a saint, I’m just saying he’s probably somewhere in between a saint & a scumbag……much like the rest of us. But it does take a certain level of strength to admit your mistakes to yourself, let alone the entire world.
And I’ll be honest too, this one hit close to home for me. cheers
Understood. I’m a husband of 12 years, and we have a soon-to-be 7 year old daughter, so this story resonated with me, too. But as I say, I shouldn’t have been so immediately judgmental, and I would never suggest that I’m an ideal husband or father (I’m not, even tho I try hard and I adore my wife and daughter).
If I were Claudia I’d be pretty bummed. The writing style annoyed me too. I will probably pass on buying his book ha ha.